Sunday Mourning

When the call came that night

I had to think twice to believe it.

Cheryl, where are you now?

Are you better off than me?

I want so much to compose something that

Embodies your essence; your heart.

But I fear my talent doesn't run that deep.

I want to write something -

Something that bleeds all that was you.

But all I have to draw from are my own black thoughts

And a handful of memories I wish

I didn't have (but only to lessen the pain)

And a mountain of others I wish I did.

I want to write something that will

Bring you back.

But nothing can.

I was the last person to hold you close.

What were your last thoughts?

Before a speeding car claimed everything

That was yours,

And a little of what was mine.

I want to go back and tell you not to go -

To stay with me that night even though ...

I have the same dream every night of replacing

Your tender soul

With my own.

It's more tainted and so much more deserving.

What would I have left behind?

Some unfinished homework, a few close friends

Outnumbered by those who would never notice,

And all of this suffering.

What will I do now?

I remember the last time I saw you -

A mere nightfall before that fateful early mourning.

Your beautiful face,

Those grey eyes

Reflecting in the spring moonlight

As we stood holding each other

admiring

The fireworks over the Merrimac.

The sweet scent of your long brown hair,

A sea of wildflowers on a summer day.

Why didn't I say more?

Why didn't I ...

Because I thought they were words

I could deliver on another day.

A day that will never come.

"Marillion" is playing softly in the background.

I know they're your favorite.

You never heard the words I so longed to say to you.

Would you have liked them?

I don't know, but at least

You'd know ...

More about me.

I remember you telling me you thought of me often,

I confess to doing the same.

But now your image will never be far

From my mind.

You were the first person to be claimed

By the grave

That I saw as a "person."

You'd felt loss, love, and hatred.

You had emotions, hobbies, faults, and

life.

You've left behind a myriad of family and

Friends that will miss you forever.

Good bye Cheryl, I love you.

I will join you soon.

Then we can walk

Hand in hand for eternity,

When I escape

From the prison of my mind.

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In memory of Cheryl Ann Kurtz - September 16, 1973 - May 5, 1991

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